Am I Missing Something?

I received this in an email and liked it so much I thought I would post it. Pretty good stuff;

The Democrats promised "A New Direction For America"

The stock market is at a new all-time high and America's 401K's are
back.
A new direction from there means, what?

Unemployment is at 25 year lows.
A new direction from there means, what?

Oil prices are plummeting.
A new direction from there means, what?

Taxes are at 20 year lows.
A new direction from there means, what?

Federal tax revenues are at all-time highs.
A new direction from there means, what?

The Federal deficit is down almost 50%, just as predicted over last
year.
A new direction from there means. what?

Home valuations are up 200% over the past 3.5 years.
A new direction from there means, what?

Inflation is in check, hovering at 20 year lows.
A new direction from there means, what?

Not a single terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11/01.
A new direction from there means, what?

Osama bin Laden is living under a rock in a dark cave, having not surfaced in years, if he's alive at all, while 95% of Al Queda's top dogs are either dead or in custody, cooperating with US Intel.

A new direction from there means, what?

Several major terrorist attacks already thwarted by US and British Intel,including the recent planned attack involving 10 Jumbo Jets being exploded in mid-air over major US cities in order to celebrate the anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks.

A new direction from there means, what?

Just as President Bush foretold us on a number of occasions, Iraq was to be made "ground zero" for the war on terrorism -- and just as President Bush said they would, terrorist cells from all over the region are arriving from the shadows of their hiding places and flooding into Iraq in order to get their faces blown off by US Marines rather than boarding planes and heading to the United States to wage war on us here.

A new direction from there means, what?

Now let me see, do I have this right? I can expect:

The economy to go South

Illegals to go North

Taxes to go Up

Employment to go Down

Terrorism to come In

Tax breaks to go Out

Social Security to go Away

Health Care to go the same way gas prices have gone

But what the heck!

I can gain comfort by knowing that Nancy P, Hillory C, John K, Edward K,Howard D, Harry R and Obama have worked hard to create a comprehensive National Security Plan, Health Care Plan, Immigration Reform Plan, Gay Rights Plan,Same Sex Marriage Plan, Abortion On Demand Plan, Tolerance of Everyone and Everything Plan, How to Return all Troops to the U.S. in The Next Six Months Plan,A Get Tough Plan, adapted from the French Plan by the same name and a How Everyone Can Become as Wealthy as We Are Plan.

I forgot the No More Katrina Storm Plan.

Now I know why I feel good after the elections. I am going to be able to sleep so much better at nights knowing these dedicated politicians are thinking of me and my welfare.

Smoking Cessation?

Gunther (taking a drag off of Chandler's cigarette): "Oh, Dark Mother...once again I suckle at your smoky teat."

Tobacco and I have had a history together, 24+ years to be exact. That’s right Mom, I was using tobacco products even in high school. The Topol Smoker’s Tooth Polish I was using at the time should have been a hint but I’m glad you didn’t pick up on it (love you Ma). That’s how stupid of teenager I was, I would see those Topol commercials and think “Jesus, if my folks see how brown my teeth are getting from smoking, I’ll be busted for sure”. Never mind that I was probably only smoking like 3 cigarettes a day but when that guy on commercial would blow into that paper, it looked like friggin mud, man! Well, I just couldn’t be having brown teeth, Mom and Dad would just know for sure I was smoking. So what do I decide to do? I’m going to buy and brush my teeth with toothpaste specifically designed for smokers, genius, sheer genius.

It’s been two and half years since I quit smoking and a year and a since I quit chewing. Here is my not so orthodox method of quitting:

Start exercising (pretty orthodox start). It was just dumb luck that I fell into running. We had been to Killington skiing in 1997 for a week and my legs were so sore on the second day that I swore I would never let me legs slow me down like that again, Ever! I started using a treadmill and before long, pounds were dropping and miles were accumulating. Seven years later after races too numerous to count and the miles by the thousands, I can recommend shoes, I know about mid-sole and bounce and over pronation and under pronation, I know every bone in the foot, I know what can cause plantar fascitis, I know about the periformis muscle and knees and ACLs and MCls but no matter what you know or how much you know or how much you think you know, somehow people just can’t take you seriously when with one hand you extol the health benefits of running while on the other hand you are waving a cigarette around. That’s right, I’d finish up a ten mile run, go right to the car and light up a smoke, and I did that for years.

Here is where things get a little sketchy but hey it’s my method, I’m just telling you what worked for me. I used to give a smoker a ride home from work. Her brand of choice was Virginia Slim Menthols. Being out of smokes one day, I had to bum one from her. Now, I was smoking Marlboros at the time but in a case of desperation, beggars can’t be choosers. It was nasty, I was puffing on this thing and I said if I had to smoke these effing things everyday, I would quit altogether. Ding! (Cue the light bulb here) I thought, this might not be such a bad idea. One pack of those damn things and I’ll quit for sure. (Don’t forget I’m the guy who was using Topol to avoid getting caught smoking.)

After a year of this method and the realization that a Virginia Slim Menthol is a pretty damn good cigarette, the humility I was putting myself through had to stop.
Yes, in my zeal to quit smoking, this became my brand of choice. I chose to smoke what is undeniably the most effeminate of all cigarettes. I’m pretty comfortable in my masculinity but even this was pushing the limit. I always expected the cashier look at me and sarcastically say “you’ve come a long way, baby” after I bought a pack. I kind of wish someone would have because I probably would have quit right on the spot or dropped dead from the sheer magnitude of the embarrassment.

In April 2004, I stopped smoking completely. I didn’t stop tobacco mind you; I simply traded smoking for chewing tobacco. For some reason, I thought quitting chewing would be easier - Wrong! The nice thing about my smoking days were 1) I never smoked in the house and 2) I never smoked at work. Other than the chick I gave rides home to, no one at my work even knew I was a smoker. Chewing on the other hand, I would do that no matter where I was i.e. at home sitting in the recliner, sitting at my desk at work, sitting in a tree stand - all the places I would never dream to smoke at. When I started chewing, I told Sheri I would only do it for one year. Thankfully (although at the time I wasn’t very grateful) she held me to it and told me it was now April 2005 and it was time to quit. So I did, cold turkey, it was a bitch but somehow I made it through.

Skoal has all kinds of great flavors now like cherry, berry blend, peach, apple, and vanilla. I hate to think that if they had those flavors when I was chewing, I may not have quit when I did. While these new flavors sound tantalizing to me, I promised Sheri that I would only take up chewing again when Skoal comes up with “Swedish Fish” flavor. There will be no stopping me then.

Children's Hospital Campaign

No matter how bad you think things are, remember, there's always someone else who has it worse.

My man Cooper was diagnosed with a brain tumor, a choroid plexus papilloma in medical terms, in January 2001 when he was around 7 months old. At that time, the tumor was the size of a grapefruit. Dr Cogen at Children's National Medical Center performed three surgeries to fully remove the tumor and one surgery for a subdural hematoma from January 2001 until June 2001. He had a residual bone defect that required a cranioplasty (a titanium plate). Dr Carson of Johns Hopkins performed the cranioplasty in March of 2004.

Currently, Dr Packer who is mentioned in the article below is Cooper’s neurologist and we see him about once a year. In fact we just saw him this past Monday. Cooper started having leg convulsions (seizures) about a year ago and Dr Packer is treating these with medication. The seizures usually occur in the early morning hours and last about a minute. Ethan will come in and tell us that Cooper is having “Shaky Leg”. We’ll go in and sit with him for the duration after which he usually goes right back to sleep. If this is the worst thing that comes out of the whole ordeal, well we’ll take that.

The great news is that his MRIs keep looking better and better. His brain is growing, no signs of hydrocephalous (water build up that would require a shunt which for a time we thought he was going to have to have until we started seeing Dr Carson at Johns Hopkins) and no sign of tumor re-growth.

The article below reminds me how lucky we are. I sat and cried at my desk this morning when I thought about what this family has to go through. How can life be so unfair?

The second link is straight to the Children’s Hospital Foundation where you could make a donation. You can make a donation in honor of Cooper but you don’t have to, just making a donation would be honor enough.


Washington Post Article

Make a Donation

Who Knew?

I bet you didn't know that liberal political strategists have been reading my blog and stealing my ideas. I was reading an article in the Post the other day and it was talking about this 100 hour agenda. Have you heard of this? It goes something like this (from the article by Jeffrey Birnbaum-Washington Post Staff Writer);

"The effort they discussed was reminiscent of the elaborate business-backed lobbying campaign 12 years ago that pushed the "Contract With America," which was the then-Republican majority's legislative agenda. Conservative groups including the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the Christian Coalition banded together then to lobby the House to pass the GOP's 10-part program.

Robert L. Borosage, co-director of the liberal Campaign for America's Future, said that approval of the Hundred Hours agenda would also help the public better understand what the incoming Democratic majority stands for. "We are still too undefined," he said, and the Hundred Hours agenda "begins that process" of redefinition."

Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar. I guess they figure now is the time to tell us where they stand on the hard issues, we know where they fall on all the unimportant "feel good" issues that won them the election. Tell us what are you going to do about Social Security, Medicare, Immigration, health insurance costs, the War, our reliance on foreign oil, terrorism. You retook Congressional Power based on anti-republican backlash, now tell us you have a direction for America. Sad truth is they have no direction, they are making it up as they go.

The critical difference between the CWA and this 100 hour agenda is the republicans had a plan and used it to get elected. The 100 hour agenda, is more like "okay, we got elected, what do we do now?"

When the major organizers are Americans United, USAction, labor unions led by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, the Sierra Club, the League of Conservation Voters, the Association of Trial Lawyers of America, the Center for American Progress and several women's organizations, I suspect we'll see even more special interest rule than less.

Cease and Desist Orders for December 2006

1. Dear Lexus Automobiles,

Newsflash: People do not buy their spouses cars for Christmas. Please stop pretending they do. Every year around this time we get subjected to your ad campaigns. If you insist on continuing with these commercials, at least have the decency to use a different age group as examples of people who do and please put them in front of multi-million dollar mansions instead of modest income homes. At least make it more realistic, have the wife say something like "you know I don't like that color" or "I told you I wanted a sunroof".

I believe your target customer is someone who can't afford to buy their spouse a Lexus for Christmas but wants to think they are in a class of customer who actually can. Speaks volumes of the demographic you are trying to reach.

I ask the three Lexus owners I know if their cars happened to be a Christmas gift from their spouse, they all said no - go figure.

2. Dear Wash FM 97.1,

You really don't have to switch to the all Christmas Song format two weeks before Thanksgiving. That’s just a tad bit early don't you think? Not that your regular format is any more appealing to me but unfortunately I can’t tell my radio what stations to ignore when I press scan.


3. Dear Starbucks,

Please remove all Starbucks Kiosks from Safeway Grocery Stores. Not one of them makes the coffee like they are supposed to. It is always weak and taste like friggin Maxwell House brewed at 7-11. They are continually out of something, whether its cups, lids, syrup, etc. I've actually been to a Safeway Starbucks and they were out of coffee, that's right coffee. How can a place who's sole business is coffee run out of their main product? It's because they don't care.

They continually run your good name into the ground.