Friday, September 26, 2008

The Complacenist Papers

I once thought that the American voter was savvy and politically aware, but the inevitable truth is; an enormous number of them have absolutely no idea what they are voting for come November. There's a large contingent of voters who base their opinion and understanding almost entirely on TV ads and past voting habits. As such, there will be millions of voters going to the polls to vote for a D or an R, a black man or a woman, against a Muslim or against Bush (again), without having read a single pamphlet, flyer, book or anything detailing what the candidate is for.

Also, half of the country just won't make it to the polls at all. These are the folks that just don't care. So, for groups one and two I've taken it upon myself to create a new party. They shall now be known as the complacenists. The preamble shall be;

We the people of the Complacenist Party have decided that societies of men are incapable of establishing good government from reflection and choice, that we are forever destined to depend, for our own political constitutions, on accident and force.

Membership is easy and one or more of the following criteria have to be met:

1.If you've ever been pissed because your favorite tv show was preempted by a presidential speech.

2. If the only voting you've ever done involves a phone and an 888 number.

3. The only judges you can think of are either Judy, Roy, Simon, Randy or Paula.

4. The last magazine article you read was from US or People.

5. You have no idea where CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News are on your channel lineup.

6. There is nothing on regular TV on Sunday Mornings from 10 until 12.

7. You have no idea what CSpan is.

8. You use the Internet primarily for shopping, catching up on tv shows or porn.

9. You think the president controls the price of gas.

10. You have no idea who your representatives are.

11. You didn't know there was a state senate.

12. You don't know what states Obama and McCain actually represent.

13. You hurriedly file your taxes so you can get a refund with no regard to what you actually paid.

14. You think the Constitution specifically mentions abortion.

15. You would rather watch a rerun of American Chopper than the local news.

16. You only get the Sunday paper for the coupons.

If you meet any of these criteria, then I advise you to join. Enrollment in the complacenist party can only be done one way; by not voting this November. Your non-vote will send a message to Washington that you won't be just another ignorant voter... you'll just be ignorant.

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